As I have mentioned before, this time of year is always hard for me. There is nothing in my past that happened in January to trigger anything, but I am assuming my depression is triggered by Seasonal Affect Disorder.
So as is typical with people with depression, and with those who are creative, the thoughts creep into your head while you are trying to sleep and have no desire to get out of bed to write things down. These thoughts have been swirling in my head for a few days now.
I had two nights of back to back crying fits. Nothing major sets it off really. The smallest thing can set me off. Saturday it was the misbehavior of children at bedtime. I was so frustrated and angry. Then DD was talking about how she was “feeling weird” and she “can’t turn off her brain.” Sometimes she says she feels like she just wants to cry. In speaking with other moms, apparently this is normal for girls her age. But to a mom with depression, it is a trigger – did she get my depression gene? Will she have to live with this for life? Why did I have kids when I could give them this horrible illness? Will I have to constantly watch her for signs of the “s” word? What made this even worse was that I was crying so hard, DD became concerned. She would not go to bed until she knew I was fine. She even gave me a stuffed animal to sleep with.
The next night while the kids were in bed, I watched Bridesmaids. It is a funny film – or so I thought. Something in it caused me to go into a depressive state at the end. I cannot put my finger on what it was exactly. But here is an idea of what may have happened.
So in the movie, I saw one of my favorite actors. Seeing him just lifts my spirits. He fell in love with a woman in the film that really was not deserving of him. Or so she thought. And maybe that is where the depression came in. She felt so worthless and was inspired by this guy to do what she loved and he lifted her up, yet she still could not accept that she was worth anything.
I think I felt a lot like her. A LOT like her. And I think seeing her with someone who makes me happy (on the screen) just brought up a lot of emotion.
Makes no sense, but depressive thoughts rarely do.
I guess what it comes down to is that those of us with depression need a sense of validation. We may seem to have a tough exterior, but internally we are weak. I guess that is why so many comedians suffer from depression. Sometimes what is inside hurts so much that you can’t do anything but laugh or get angry. Better to laugh and if others laugh with you, then you get the validation.
Don’t worry friends. I am fine. I am past the depression and on to living life.
It’s the new year. For those of you who know me, it’s that time of year when the depression hits me like a ton of bricks. Apparently it hits the kids too. Yesterday was DS’ meltdown. In order to get DD to school on time, I let DS wear the clothes he wore the day before AND slept in. Today was DD’s turn. She is a lot like her mommy, which makes it twice as hard to deal with – although I HAVE NEVER, to my knowledge, had a meltdown because I did not have food in the house to take to school for lunch. A meltdown because my choices are only healthy and do not involve chocolate, but not because there was NOTHING! Pfffftttt.
In both cases, I did as the gentle child-rearing folks suggest: gave them choices, did “when/then” (when you do this, then you can have/do this), logic (I will be late to work), etc. Of course this led to a choice of a swat on the behind (or but-TOKS as DD was known to say) or doing the task required and down right threats “If you like living in a house, you will do as we ask so we can get to work on time,” and my personal favorite, “We’re mean? Look around your room! See the toys? What about the food you eat? Trips? Dance class? If you don’t like us, do you want me to take you to the police department and have them find you a new family?”
No chance Mederma will get the childhood scars out of their lives now!
Although the kids got over their fits and our responses faster than a Hollywood marriage, I was still scarred. I got to work, 45 minutes late, wanting to cry. This was going to be a “Oh Woe is Me” post about my lack of parenting skills in my old age, but while searching for a picture to borrow for this post, I found Top Ten Reasons Why I’m Not a Perfect Mother. The picture is from her site.
So in honor of her post making me feel almost like a decent mom, here are my top ten reasons why I am not a perfect mother:
10. I throw away my children’s artwork.
I love my kids. DD is especially talented in art. However, how many hand print turkeys can one mom take?
9. I rush my kids’ bedtime so I can watch late Hokie football games.
I am sure they will understand one day.
8. (Just like the original poster) When asked what I wanted to do on Mother’s Day, I’ve requested to be left alone in my own home.
7. Sometimes I let the loudest whiner win.
Among the kids that is.
6. I don’t cook very often.
Or ever. I recognize my culinary skills are lacking. I hate wasting money on making two – three different meals at home and if I only make one, I just want a nice, peaceful dinner. We eat out a lot. So? I am supporting the economy. And where else will my kids try new things like gyoza or chocolate-covered Oreos?
5. I put on Disney so I can get chores done on the weekend.
Who am I kidding? I do it so I can sleep when the creeps wake me up at 7 am. Seriously. Can’t get them up in time for school, but the weekend is no problem.
4. I have not finished my children’s baby books. DD at least has some stuff written in it, whereas DS has the doctor reports from well baby visits just shoved in the book.
3. If I don’t know the answer to the question “Why is the sky blue?” for the 100th time, I tell them to ask their father since he is the science guy.
2. Sometimes I pretend I have to do a #2 in the bathroom just to get a couple of minutes of solitude.
1. I will sniff my kids to see if they need a bath. If I don’t pass out, I will skip that bath night.
Don’t pretend you haven’t done this.
Add your list in the comments section. I would love to joke on you mercessly hear why you think you are a bad parent.
So it’s been a while. No excuses for my lack o’ blogging.
Since the last post, we went to Disney World with the family over Thanksgiving. (DD is over her costumed character fear – to the point where she stalks them. Seriously.).
The flight there and back was uneventful, thankfully. The kids were rather well behaved, with the exception of our day at Hollywood Studios. That was about mid-way through the trip and we were tired. There wasn’t much there the kids were interested in anyway and we had a slight issue the day before which led to our kids not really trusting us so much.
The second full day at Disney, we went to Animal Kingdom. It’s the lamest of the parks, kind of the armpit of Disney, but the kids like animals (in the park, not the armpit). We did the cheesy safari tour. DS was not so sure about that after almost getting eaten by a camel and an emu at a local safari park. Then we headed to the dinosaur area. I mean, come on, it’s dinosaurs! Cute, cuddly, Disney dinosaurs. We went to the dinosaur ride. Here is Disney’s lovely description:
DINOSAUR is a thrilling adventure at Disney’s Animal Kingdom theme park aboard a time rover that transports Guests to the age of dinosaurs on a daring quest to bring back a living piece of history.
A routine visit to The Dino Institute museum is interrupted by a mischievous scientist with a secret mission. The scientist recruits you to travel back to the Cretaceous era, 65 million years ago, to capture a mild-mannered Iguanodon and return to the present day with the 3.5-ton dinosaur in tow.
Once you climb aboard an experimental CTX Time Rover, you’ll want to buckle up. Time travel can be one turbulent trip!
Your rover arrives in a dark prehistoric forest that’s almost pitch black, but you can sense large creatures are moving all around you. Some are gentle giants; others are monstrous meat-eating predators in search of a tasty snack. Suddenly a enormous animal appears—and it is not one of the friendly variety.
The Iguanodon is nowhere to be found and you’re lost in a thick jungle with hungry dinosaurs, but that’s not the worst of it: the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs is about to strike. You’ve got to find your target and get out of the past before you become history.
The countdown begins: 60 seconds before the meteor pulverizes the Earth! You hear the terrifying roar of an unimaginably huge beast. Is it the friendly Iguanodon or the carnivorous Carnotaurus? Get ready for a bumpy ride filled with thrills and close calls!
The clock is ticking. Will you escape or become extinct?
OK. Well that may seem a little scary, but the description at the park said something about it being dark and having animatronics. But hey, the height requirement is 40″. No big deal. I ride with DS and DH rides with DD.
I am the WORST parent in the world.
It was horrifying and LOUD! The kids were scared to death. DD was in tears and had her head covered the whole ride. DS was scared and at the end, I covered his ears because it was so LOUD! And then this THING comes towards our car at the end. My poor babies thought they were going to be eaten. WTF Disney?
So for the rest of the trip we had to assure our kids that rides that go into a building are not like the dinosaur ride. We could not get them on a ride the rest of the day if we tried. Fortunately we were smart enough to save the Magic Kingdom for the last day.
About the same time, the Simpsons came out with an episode where the family goes to see “Sitting with Dinosaurs.” It was pretty much our experience on the dinosaur ride to a T!
Aliayah was last seen at home on September 24, 2011. Her ears are pierced and she is missing her top four front teeth. Aliayah was last seen wearing purple Dora pajama bottoms, a pink princess sweatshirt, and no shoes.
Weston, WV is a town of just over 4000 in central West Virginia. Most people living there make a living well under the average salary in West Virginia, with just over 10% of the population with a college degree. It is in Lewis County.
Initially, this sounded like many missing children cases – child wakes up in the middle of the night and walks out of the home.
It’s not that simple.
Aliayah has been missing for over a month. I am not sure why this story hasn’t garnered the attention of the national media as much as other cases. Maybe because the child is from West Virginia.
The FBI has been involved, but have been mum about the investigation.
Aliayah’s mother, 29 year old Lena, told police her daughter was in bed at 6:30 that morning. Ms. Lunsford has four other children, from 9 months to 11 years old, and is eight months pregnant with twins. The mother has also been arrested for welfare fraud.
I have often joked that reading is bad for my health. If I am reading a particularly good book, I will say to myself “I will read one more chapter then go to bed” about ten times. Next thing I know it’s midnight.
Well, I have passed on my bad habits to my daughter. Her second grade teacher asks that the kids in her class read at least 20 minutes a day, five days a week. DD reads at LEAST 20 minutes a day and seven days a week. She uses this to stall bedtime. But we are firm with bedtime and lights are out after 20 minutes of reading. Of course, that doesn’t keep her from trying to stall bedtime further with “I can’t sleep!” “I am having bad thoughts!” “I feel weird.”
This morning though took the cake. She was up at FIVE after fighting bedtime last night, ready to read. She got in at least an hour of reading before the rest of the family got up.
This post brought to you by Woodrow Wilson Teaching Fellowships. All opinions are 100% mine.
We are so blessed to have a daughter who LOVES math and science. Even though she is only seven, we try to encourage her in her love for the subjects. We have talked about careers that involve both fields. She has shown interest in civil or aerospace engineering or being a meteorologist on television. I am trying to discourage the television part. Maybe when I tell her she will have to get up at 4 am to go to work she will change her mind.
Are you in either field and wanting to maybe help others learn about it? There are teaching jobs available for those who want to encourage kids like my daughter to get into STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, or math).
The Woodrow Wilson Teaching Fellowships provide recent college graduates and career changers in STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, or math) with a $30,000 stipend to complete an intensive master’s degree program at one of seventeen participating universities across the mid-west.
Fellows can expect rigorous training, ongoing professional development, and some common components across all Woodrow Wilson university programs:
A full-time academic, pre-service year of Master’s coursework spent in a high need classroom alongside experienced teacher leaders
Teacher certification obtained at the end of summer 2013
A master’s study year divided equally between coursework and demanding immersive “clinical” experiences in schools, observing and working in urban or rural schools three to five days per week
A focus on students in high-poverty urban or rural schools
Courses and programs are designed uniquely for and geared toward the cohort of twenty Fellows on each campus
Upon starting a three-year commitment as salaried teachers working for school districts, Fellows also receive three years of mentoring from veteran teachers
All Fellows receive a $30,000 stipend to help offset the cost of the full-time pre-service Master’s year
Many university partners offer additional financial aid incentives, tuition reductions, and scholarships to Fellows.
This is the chance to make a difference in a child’s life.
We are having thermostat wars at work. Our house is OLD and one side is always the opposite in terms of temperature than the other. My boss called a truce and now we have to keep the temperature at 76 all the time. 76 may seem hot, but not in this place. Right now I am wearing a sweater to try to get warm.
I had a similar issue with my dad and thermostats.
Fortunately right now at home we seem to have found a happy medium. Let’s see if that changes when I hit menopause.
This post brought to you by T.G.I. FRiDAY’S. All opinions are 100% mine.
Our family eats out – a lot. There are many reasons – being busy and the convenience. But there are some days when we just want to eat at home, but don’t have time to cook or there’s nothing in the fridge. Or, like last night, DH got home late and wanted something to eat, but not fast food and we had already eaten. All that was in the freezer was an old frozen dinner that had freezer burn – yuck.
What to do, what to do?
T.G.I. FRiDAY’S has a new product called T.G.I. FRiDAY’S “Entrées for One” with nine new entrées inspired by the bold and fun flavors of the famed T.G.I. FRiDAY’S restaurants. From Sizzling Steak Fajitas to Cajun-Style Chicken Alfredo, the new varieties infuse a fresh new flavor and shake things up in the frozen food category. I have been on a fajita kick lately and would love some chicken fajitas. And now that the weather is getting colder, how about some comfort food like prime rib stroganoff or grilled chicken mac and cheese. If you have never been to a T.G.I. FRiDAY’S, it’s a great chance to try some of their food. I love their Jack Daniel’s sauce. And, it was where I went to dinner with DH on the day he proposed to me.
T.G.I. FRiDAY’S is offering more than just great food, now you can win some neat prizes like a home theater makeover with their Fun Freezer contest. Just decorate your freezer with your own flair and uploading the picture to www.facebook.com/TGIFridaysFreezer.
If you send a picture, post it in a comment here. I would LOVE to see your flair!
I work with the food pantry at our church. Recently they asked for more donations, especially meat. This time of year, donations are low, but soon food drives will start up again and the pantry will be full. In the meantime, the church put out empty paper bags and asked each family to fill it to help stock the pantry.
And boy did they!
I was off from work on Monday to work a golf tournament and in between the times I was needed at the course, I went and stocked the pantry. It took two hours to put all the stuff up. It was awesome! Our family filled a few bags and I got some Kroger ground beef to help stock the meat freezer.
Then today while listening to the news, I heard that there was a Tyson ground beef recall. Apparently Tyson also supplies Kroger with its Kroger ground beef. There may be E. coli in the beef.
I guess we all need to make sure we have life insurance or at least buy life insurance online – between the cantaloupe listeria outbreak and beef recalls, it’s getting dangerous to eat – whether you are a vegetarian or not.
When DD was younger, I would ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up. In no particular order, she wanted to be:
a firefighter
a doctor
a tree doctor
a veterinarian
a ballet teacher
a singer
an animal trainer
a movie maker.
Now that she is older, we talk about taking the things she loves and turning it into a career. Right now, she LOVES math and science. When I told her about math and science careers, she decided on being an engineer – civil (to build roads) or aerospace.
When I was her age, I only knew what a train engineer was since my dad was one. I knew nothing about the other kind of engineering. Not that I would have gone that route, I did not like science at all – except physics, and had no good study practices.
I’m so proud of her and her love of learning. I have no doubt she could be whatever she wanted to be.
We’re still working on DS. Here are his career choices, in order:
iHop pancake maker
doctor
jet pilot
the Hokie Bird.
Well, we still have time for him to make a choice.
